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  • Mara Soloway

Rover vs Fluffy

Updated: Oct 24, 2022

Who knew our pets could write?



A Letter from Rover the Dog


Dear Hoomans,


It might sound strange to you, but I have really enjoyed these many months of the pandemic. I’m not really sure what a pandemic is, but I know it has been good for me to have my hoomans “working from home.” Who knew that watching Netflix was considered working! If I was a hooman, I would want a job like yours and to have a dog as wonderful as I am to pester you all day! That is livin’ large!


I’m not the only happy animal these days. The pandemic has been good for so many animals, wild and not so wild. As you people went on lockdown, all kinds of creatures came out to play in places we don’t usually find them. Foxes came with their kits to city centers! Dolphins swam freely in city waterways!


However, I was very disturbed when I saw a pride of lions taking a cat nap on a normally busy road in South Africa! Seeing so many cats at one time drove me to stress-eat and beg another Milk-Bone from you. (If it’s not too much to ask, would you put a spoonful of peanut butter on top of each cookie? I’ll reward you with wet, sticky dog kisses. Woof!)


Speaking of felines that bother me, I hope you won’t miss Fluffy the cat. I pushed her out the doggie door and locked it behind her. She has been muttering about how she wishes you would leave the house more often and has left messages for your bosses that you want to return to work. Do not go searching for this evil feline! Stay home and scratch my ears!


Yours furever, Rover




A Rebuttal from Fluffy the Cat


To my Sweet Human Wait Staff,


The previous issue of this community guide contained a letter from Rover the Dog. I appreciate this opportunity for equal time to make my case for the superiority of cats. So many people think dogs make better pets. But really – who can deal with their constant good attitude and all of that slobbering? A cat will never bore you with a good attitude – we have emotional and intellectual depth. We do not slobber, which alone makes us worth the investment. We even cost less over time since we can groom ourselves.


I’m so happy you chose me from the cat rescue group. Thank you! You’ve named me Fluffy, a soft and sweet name for a feline. It’s just PURRFECT. I’ll reward you by sitting in your lap and purring away, at least until I decide I need some me-time or want to use the scratching post (you call it the couch).


Now that I’m part of the family, I’d like to suggest these general house rules:

  • Please obey my demands to be petted.

  • Dry food is not going to cut it for every meal. Please also offer me a can of chicken or tuna, (crystal bowl optional). Cats enjoy fine cuisine just as you humans do.

  • I enjoy having all your attention. But, if you do want another cat – and I can understand why you would want another wonderful feline around – please have two litter boxes. It is such an indignity to share one. (And I do admit, I wouldn’t mind having someone else to play with at 3 a.m.)

  • Go ahead and get a dog if you want a pet with a good attitude. It’s a big house – we can peacefully coexist.

Thank you again for adopting me! I love having you as my new family and living in your lovely home. I apologize in advance for any priceless heirlooms I might “accidentally” knock off the high shelves.


With love and tolerance,


Fluffy






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